I'm a New Zealand educated Health Psychologist and I specialize in helping people cope with psychological issues related to health and disease. Today we are going to talk about … when you no longer feel anything for your wife.
It’s a toughie, that’s for sure. Maybe one day you realise it—that for whatever reason, IT is just not there anymore. That spark, that feeling, that desire, that ‘something’ that used to give you a bounce in your step or something to look forward to, is no longer there.
Does this sound like you? Are you bored? Do you come home wishing you were somewhere else? Or with someone else? Do you feel like your relationship has come to the end of the road? That you’ll just never see eye-to-eye anymore? That you are simply just very different people? Are you scared you might not be able to feel the same way again? If the rest of life is going pretty well, you don’t identify with any feelings of depression, and there is no overt abuse or fear in the relationship, then it could be a case of unmet needs, different value systems, the development of different trajectories, or loss of respect, trust, real and honest communication, or love over time.
The first thing to remember is that regardless of what you might believe about relationships, none of them are perfect. It’s a beautiful thing to be supported through the ups and downs of life, but just know that the absolute love of your life is still likely going to have a few faults or slip-ups on occasion. Life changes and people change too.
The second thing to remember when you’re feeling down or frustrated about your wife or relationship as a whole, is that you are more likely to develop a pattern of ONLY seeing it in that light. Indeed, if you’ve told yourself that “I should never have got married” or “I just don’t feel anything anymore”, then you’ve thrown a great big negative label on it. This means that you’ll be less likely to remember any good things about your relationship from the past, and you’ll become blind to what IS still working well right here and now. Become aware if you have developed fixed or limiting beliefs about the situation.
The third thing to know is that trust and respect are monumental in a relationship. If these have broken down or