The night before I went into hospital for a c-section to deliver my twins I wrote a letter to my son, who was 4 years old.
None of us had any notion of just how much change we were about to go through – how the dynamic between us all would shift so dramatically with the arrival of these two tiny human beings.
I had desperately wanted to give my son a sibling – my unexplained infertility meant my husband and I had a very rocky road to get to that point. But I was also worried about the impact it would have on him, having been an only child and the focus of our attention for so long.
This is what I wrote to him that night:
To my precious boy
Tomorrow is such a big day for all of us.
Daddy and I had to wait a long time for you to come along but we had to wait even longer to give you a brother or sister. I felt so sad that I wasn’t able to do this for you.
But then something amazing happened. A lady we didn't know wanted to help us. She gave us some tiny eggs that I needed, that would hopefully one day grow into your brother or sister.
And this is when the miracle happened. Two of the tiny eggs grew in my tummy. They kept growing and soon we found out that you would have a brother AND a sister. It was more than we asked for and so much more than we could ever have hoped.
You were so excited when we first told you and you've been excited ever since. And now it's nearly time for you to meet them. On the few occasions I've let myself think about this moment, my heart fills with so much emotion I can't contain it.
To give you a life-long friend and ally was something I wanted for you more than anything in the world.
And now you'll have two.
And equally, they'll have you, the best big brother they could possibly hope to have.
Our worlds will undoubtedly be turned upside down with the arrival of your little brother and sister. For four and a half years, the three of us have been such a tight, secure and happy unit. But I'm confident we'll learn how to adapt and become an even stronger, happier unit of five.
Daddy and I feel so lucky to have had these last four and a half years just to be with you and get to know what a special little boy you are.
We love you so much
Mummy X
The first two and a half years have been an incredibly tough journey for the three of us. The ongoing, monumental exhaustion my husband and I have experienced has certainly tested our marriage.
We’ve also had a lot less time, energy and patience for our eldest son and he has felt the effects of that.
BUT, he has become the most caring, thoughtful and outstanding big brother – more than my husband and I could ever have imagined or hoped. He has a little brother and sister whom he adores immeasurably. As the twins get older and can communicate and do more, the stronger his relationship with them becomes.
Moving from a cosy unit of three to the unpredictable chaos we now have as a family of five has been a bumpy ride. But we have infinitely more fun, laughter and love.
I wouldn’t change it for anything.