Expert Advice

How to Rekindle Romance After Childbirth

Having a baby is an expression of your love for each other. Many couples believe it will bring them closer together. Whereas facing new challenges together can strengthen your bond, it can still be a stressful time. It’s common for it to take a while to regain intimacy. Sex and romance often get put on the back burner for a while and new priorities take over.

While it’s not an unusual problem, it’s a good idea to try and work on your relationship as soon as possible. Make their effort to communicate to each other what you’ve been going through. With a little commitment and work, you’ll soon get that romance back.

Try to see from each other’s perspective

Both new parents go through a lot. It’s one of the biggest changes to your lives you’ll ever experience. It’s important to try to see things from each other’s point of view and understand that it’s a challenge for both of you. Both mother and father can experience postpartum depression. After childbirth, many parents may feel overwhelmed.

A new mother might also have issues with body image and routine changes. She might have had enough of physical contact from the baby. It’s important to be aware of fathers' postpartum challenges as well. Often, it’s easy to feel left out and isolated. Healthy communication is the key to understanding each other’s perspectives.

Make the effort to regain intimacy

Soon after childbirth, it’s normal to have a period of abstinence. Physically, a woman’s body needs time to recover. It’s hard to know it is the right time for a couple to have sex again. Most doctors recommend waiting at least a few weeks, but every case is different, so get a professional opinion and make sure you are checking in with each other emotionally. .

Don’t wait to reconnect automatically, instead look for small ways to connect. It will be difficult for things to redevelop naturally otherwise. Unfortunately, with a new baby around it’s harder to find the time or energy. Both of you need to make the effort to work on your intimacy.

Intimacy is a wonderful part of a healthy relationship so it’s worth the time. It might be a good idea to try couples counselling or sex therapy depending on the circumstances. Seek professional help for issues such as lack of self-esteem, anger towards one another and even porn addiction. 

Dedicate time to each other

Finding a spare moment may be difficult. Choose a time when your new baby is fed and put to bed. Even by taking just an hour to relax together can be very rewarding. Since the beginning of the pandemic, it's particularly difficult to find this time to connect. Even though it’s hard, it’s important to try to keep the romance alive, even in the little moments. Stop to kiss each other when greeting, or even passing each other in the house. Put in those extra five minutes first thing, or before you go to bed. Little by little, you’ll find each other again.