I don’t. I am honest and open about it.
It’s impossible to love children the same way: they are different genders, ages, looks, personalities, attitudes. They were born to different mothers because with each child we change so much. I love each one of them for who they are with love as unique as they are.
Being open about it helps a lot. I remember when one of my kids asked me who I love the most.
“How can I answer that? I have my firstborn, a beautiful girl, kind, funny, brave, honest, who loves the ocean and writing. And I have a boy, my youngest, who has a perpetual smile, naughty always on his mind, and loves chess and sports.” As I said it, I have noticed a beatific, pleased expression on my child’s face. The message was delivered.
My kids used to fight who would get a seat closer to me, give me more kisses, hugs me tighter. It bothered me a lot because one of them would be naturally be left out. So, I invented a saying for the dominating one “You can’t be friends with me without the other kid. We are family” or “just think of it, if your brother/sister is upset, then I will have to spend more time with him/her because he/she needs comfort.” So, the adaptation period for us was brief.
I think children have to learn that our hearts are big enough for many people, and love comes in all shapes and sizes. They also have to know that each of them has a unique way of connecting with people and it utterly depends on who they, children, are.