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The Vasectomy Chronicles Part 4 – The Procedure

The vasectomy is now done. I had it at about 9:40 am, and it was completed in about 30 minutes. In the “Night before” post that I wrote yesterday I said that I wasn’t nervous but probably would be in the morning. I was a bit nervous, I didn’t sleep great, and when I did, I was dreaming of balloons popping, football factories burning, and bricks smashing together.

I was called into the room, and the Dr introduced himself and a medical student AND a female nurse (FML). He then went through the risks and asked me if I was sure I didn’t want any more children?

“No thank you”.

The procedure.

I then had to strip off from the waist down. They put some iodine on Ronnie and Reggie and then started to give me the anesthetic. This was uncomfortable but surprisingly not as uncomfortable as the ones you have at the dentist. Anaesthetic doesn’t usually work the first time for me, and I always need more than one dose. This was the case today. Two were needed for each nut. Great stuff.

While all this was happening, the nurse was asking me questions to keep me occupied. Things such as, is it really that small?

Totes jokes.

She asked the usual: how many kids do you have, how old are they, when did you meet your partner, where do you work, etc etc. She got onto a question about holidays this year, and I told her we are going away for a few weekends to Flamborough and staying at Havens caravan site. She said she didn’t mind staying in caravans, but wasn’t sure that the Dr would have ever stayed in one. When asked, he said he wouldn’t like to as he would be scared of getting attacked LOL. Probably not a good idea to make someone laugh when you have scissors and burning equipment near their Johnson.

Warning – This is graphic…

They started on the right nut first (you’re welcome for the visual). I couldn’t feel anything other than pulling. The sound of the scissors “SNIP” was a sound I’d never like to hear again if I’m honest. Once he had done that side he moved to the other side. Then “ARGH!”

“Oh can you feel that?”

“Erm, yes!”

“We’ll give you some more anesthetic now just hang on a second”

Fuck me, that hurt!

My post surgery underwear

After 30 minutes, he was done. I was instructed to bring tight-fitting briefs to keep everything packed away. I put these on, and they feel like a thong! Not sure what is more uncomfortable, the fact I’d had some of my nut tubes burnt or these friggin pants!

My surgery was a no-scalpel surgery which meant that they cut the tubes and cauterize the wound. In the words of the nurse “the Dr cut quite a bit off each one so this shouldn’t fail.” I sat in a waiting room for 30 minutes afterward, and had a coffee and a biscuit, and then made my way home. I am sitting on my bed as I write this, as I have to rest for 48 hours with my feet up. Winner winner chicken dinner.

The following advice on the aftercare from having a vasectomy is from the Marie Stopes website.

These are the things I’ve learned for after your vasectomy procedure

  • Do not drive yourself home after your vasectomy as you may feel light-headed or re-open your wound. We advise you to go straight home via a lift or public transport and relax for 48 hours.
  • Do not drink alcohol for 48 hours after your operation as this can increase any bleeding.
  • Keep the dressing dry and in place for at least 48 hours by wearing close-fitting briefs or trunks during the day and night. This will help reduce pain and any swelling. You can change the dressing afterward with the replacements supplied in your semen sample kit pack.
  • Avoid showering or bathing until 48 hours after your operation, when you can also remove the first dressing. Use strip washes instead. Do not use toiletries as they can irritate the area.
  • Normally, your wound does not have stitches as it is small enough to heal without them. However, should you suspect your wound is infected, this can be resolved very quickly and easily with antibiotics. Contact your GP for advice.
  • If you experience pain or swelling, take a painkiller such as ibuprofen or paracetamol if you have no history of allergy to these tablets. Cooling the area can also help reduce pain and swelling. This can be done by wrapping an ice pack in a clean tea towel and holding it against the affected area. Try not to get the wound wet as this may affect healing. If the swelling is severe, call our aftercare advice line.
  • If you notice any bruising around the area, or a small pea size lump develops around the wound, be aware that this is the body’s natural reaction to the healing process. Taking an anti-inflammatory painkiller can help with bruising.
  • You may find some blood in your semen after your first ejaculation. This is not unusual and is just residual blood from the procedure.

Physical activity

  • Avoid long periods of standing or walking for at least a few days.
  • You should be able to return to work after a couple of days unless you have a physically demanding job, in which case we would recommend you avoid any heavy lifting or physical activity for two weeks.
  • Avoid all sports for two weeks, and contact sports for up to four weeks. 
  • Avoid short haul flights (up to three hours) for 48 hours after your vasectomy, and long-haul flights for at least a week after your procedure.
  • You can return to having sex as soon as you feel well enough. You need to ensure you use contraception until you have had the all-clear from your doctor that your vasectomy has worked.

Thanks @Marie Stopes UK for the useful information, that I have now shared above!

Was it as bad as I was expecting?

No.

I was expecting the injections to be the worst bit, and they were, but even they were not that bad. If it wasn’t for the fact I could feel them cut or do something to Ronnie, I would have said this was a perfect op. If you’re a bloke, you will know that aching feeling you get after being kicked in the nuts, that’s what I feel like now. No pain yet, just aching. 

I will do an update post in a few weeks on how I’m healing. If you want to read the other parts of this series then click below.

Part 5 coming soon!