You’re reading this because you’ve likely got two or three small kids and right now, you and your partner just don’t do it for each other anymore and you’re wondering – what type of sex are other exhausted parents having right now? You and your partner may still laugh together, cook meals for each other or generally feel like you’re on the same team, but your sex life is just not the same. It may be the fact that there are always weird kid messes everywhere or piles of laundry, lunch packing or late night reading about another symptom, but sex is just not what it used to be…
That nagging question at the back of your head is asking: are going to be in a long-term relationship that doesn’t ever have sex anymore, or are you just in a phase of your relationship where you’re not having sex due to situational and external factors? To get some answers, let’s talk about the different types of relationships.
Do any of these sound like the sex you and your partner have?
1. Self Love…next to each other!
The sex you have where you’re okay with the fact that you masturbate lying down next to each other, because you want the release, but you’re too tired to actually physically touch each other.
2. Enhanced by toys sex!
The sex you have is only thanks to the introduction of additional items by which to enhance your pleasure. You needed to “spice things up” because otherwise you’d both be asleep. This may be the relationship where you’re subscribing to a service, a box service, so to speak, where you’re able to get regular sex toys privately shipped to you so that you can experience this together. Wanting to explore this world with your partner, but safely? Suggest watching “How to Build a Sex Room” on Netflix to start the conversation.
3. The once a month romp
An amazing night of sex, once a month, but only when you’re under the influence or have been out at a stimulating party first. Better make sure you’ve got some good nights out on the calendar and a reliable regular babysitter.
4. Scheduled sex
You’re glad you’re still having sex, but it’s definitely lost some of the intrigue, as you know exactly when it’s going to happen. It’s scheduled for every Wednesday night at 9:30 p.m. or you’re doing it constantly at your partners fertility window (and no other times). If you’re here, you’re probably doing sex like this because you’re a very busy couple (or a couple with opposite work schedules) and otherwise you’ll never have it, or because you’re trying to create another small human.
5. The “less often but it’s actually better.” sex.
The couple who says this has actually recognized that their sex lives have changed, but that means when they have the intimate time together, it’s often better. This could be the kind of situation enhanced by some romantic mood setting, watching a spicy movie together, role playing/toys involvement, or a combination of all of the above.
6. What sex?
The dry spell where you’re not having sex at all. You may be complaining to others about this or you may be both pretending that you’re having sex still. You’ve become completely complacent and you have basically given up in your sex life. You just don’t have sex and you’re just not happy. You’re think you’re never going to be happy and you could be setting your kids up for failure filled relationships because you’re not willing to invest anything to try and make your life better.
Are you in a #4 moment or a #6?
Does that last one sound like you? if it does, read back through the rest of them and think about how much happier you would be if you were at the very least doing #4.
While becoming a parent has certainly changed your life, it’s important that you take care of your own needs too, individually or as a couple. Sex is not something to block out of your mind, the release of chemicals in your brain from an orgasm can be extremely therapeutic and improve your life on an ongoing basis, not just during the act of making love.
Sit down and have an open conversation with your partner about setting time to explore new horizons in the bedroom. You likely aren’t the only one feeling this way, and the only way to move up to the next level is to be honest with each other.
Let us know in the comments what type of sex you and your partner are having, as exhausted parents.