“Where can dads who are both dedicated to involved parenting / closeness with their kids and their careers find a mentor who can help them stay strong and dually committed in a world that pushes us to choose “Breadwinner-first” or “stay at home Dad” roles?”

The moment I knew I needed help

It was 5:27 p.m. I was in the daycare parking lot, laptop open, when my boss pinged me to “quickly” join a 5:30 call that would “likely run long.” Inside, my daughter waited in socks and a paper crown from a “big day.” Screen, doorway; pride, love. I made the pickup. The call went on without me. That night I half-celebrated, half-spiraled—and finally admitted I needed mentors who’d done this before: men who were present with their kids and still ambitious at work. Not superheroes: real dads with real trade-offs who could help me stay dually committed in a world that keeps pushing us to pick a lane.

burnout blueprint get it done while in the bathroom

The short answer to the big question

Where can dads find a mentor who supports both closeness with our kids and our careers? Three places: inside our companies and communities; in local networks tied to healthcare, schools, and libraries; and online spaces built for dads. Look for proof in how they live, not just what they post—and make a clear, respectful ask. Mentorship is a behaviour you can see.

What to look for in a mentor

My ideal mentor: sets visible family boundaries; still pursues meaningful work; owns mistakes without humblebrags; shares tactics, not platitudes.

Where to actually find them

Inside your company. Notice who leaves for pickup and still gets promoted. Join Parent ERGs; email the lead or HR: “Is there a dad here who balances drop-offs with an ambitious role? I’d love a 20-minute chat.” If there’s a mentorship programme, ask for a people manager who’s a present parent.

Your child’s healthcare circle. Paediatricians and nurses often know father-inclusive groups and classes. The American Academy of Pediatrics highlights how engaged dads benefit kids and families (AAP policy on fathers’ roles). Ask, “Any local dads’ groups or workshops you recommend?”

Libraries and schools. Story times, PTAs, and family workshops quietly gather dads who care. I met a mentor at Saturday story time; two texts later he showed me how he moved his 8 a.m. standups to 9:15 after drop-off—clear outcomes over hours.

Online communities. If in-person is hard, try a community app built specifically for dads. Favour spaces where men swap what’s working, ask for help, and skip the competition. LinkedIn groups for working parents can surface leaders who are explicit about family and performance.

Professional associations and masterminds. Ask your association, “Who’s a parent leader known for healthy boundaries?” I was introduced to a director who blocks 4:30–7:30 p.m. for family and does deep work 7:30–9:30 twice a week. We meet quarterly; he’s my compass when a promotion dangles at the cost of bedtime.

Coaches and therapists. A short run of sessions with a therapist who works with fathers helped me separate guilt from values and script hard talks with my boss. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone—men can experience postnatal depression and anxiety, and support matters (NHS: postnatal depression in men).

How to make the ask without awkwardness

Keep it brief, specific, and easy to decline. “Hi [Name]—I admire how present you are with your kids and how you lead at work. I’m building that same both/and path. Could I borrow 20 minutes to hear one or two practices you use to protect family time without slowing your team? Totally fine to say no.” Do your homework, aim at process, and cap the time.

Make it mentorship, not hero worship

Two short calls beat two years of wishful thinking: call one, ask for one boundary practice, one career practice, and one misstep; try them. Call two, report what you tried, what broke, and ask for one tweak. That try–report–refine loop turns advice into mentorship.

What my mentors taught me (that you can steal)

• Name your non-negotiables—mine are two weekday pickups, bedtime, and one weekend adventure—and put them on your calendar and your team’s.

• Align on outcomes, not optics: share deliverables and timelines, then explain your focus hours; trust follows output.

• Plan by seasons: some quarters skew family-heavy (new baby, school shift), others career-heavy (launch, raise). Say it out loud at home and at work.

• Build a small “board of dadvisors”—one colleague, one outsider, one dad two stages ahead—and run a weekly “two wins, one wobble” check-in to keep learning.

The answer, in one sentence

You find mentors for a dually committed life by spotting dads who already live your values—in your company, your community, and your online networks—then making a clear ask and turning their advice into small, repeatable practices.

A hopeful, actionable takeaway

This week, pick one person who quietly models what you want. Send the 20-minute note. Put one non-negotiable on your calendar and tell your team how it supports better work. Try one small experiment—maybe moving a standing meeting 30 minutes—and report back to your new mentor in two weeks. You don’t have to pick a lane; just the next step, then the next. That’s how we build the both/and life our kids—and our careers—will be proud of.

It's like a mom blog, for dads.