Tell us about your father:
I used to hate my father, he represented everything that was wrong with my life and I blamed him for a long time for the hard childhood I had. I grew up to hate men because of him. I never trusted men and would treat them like dirt, belittled them and threw them out when they fell in love with me. I thought some how that was going to help me get back at my dad.
Was their impact on your life positive or negative? Why?
It was in my mid-twenties and after many cycles with men who hurt or I hurt them that I relaized that I was the common denomitator in all those relationships. So I start to look inward at the ways I was playing a part in creating my own misery. It was there that I discovered how much like my father, I was. I discovered that the more I hated him the more I became like him.
What are the biggest lessons you learned from this person or people? *
So I had to learn to look at and love on all the ways the parts I hated most in him already existed inside of me, How I could not go on in life hating the man that I was so much a like in the good and the bad. I got my temper from him, my charm, my entrepreneurial spirit, I got my magnatism from him too. and it was in accepting how much alike we were that I was able to see that all the he passed down to me could be used to do good and not hurt people at all.
How do you plan on using what you learned (or how are you using what you learned) in your life now? (whether as a parent or in business, relationships etc.)
I am a better parent because I learn to be a better listener and be more present with my child. I learned to channel my rage and anger so that I don't hurt those around me the way my father did.. who didn't know how to focus it and use it in other ways. I learned to look for real joy and peace beacause my dad lives without it and I see the pain it brings him. I learned I can have the life I desire becuase in his own rebel break the rules way I learned I could do it without harming others if unlike him im honest about what I truly want.
What would you want other people to know about showing up as a father based on your experiences?
You can't bullshit your children they know a lot more than you think. they know when you are faking a smile, when you are irritated and don't want them around. Share your truth with them, let them into your world so they don't blame themselve for everything. Of course make it age appropriate but tell them the truth, they will trust you this way. Also, When you hurt or Cheat on your wife/ their mom, it hurts them just as bad. You don't just do it to your wife, you betray them as well.